My Weeds

Living in a new subdivision has it's disadvantages.  One is that we don't have a lot of trees.  I've mentioned this before in one of my earlier blogs...about missing the falling of leaves.  Well, a new season is upon us and we are a bloomin'.

As a friend left my home the other day I mentioned to her how I thought I had the best looking tree on the block.  It leans a little to the side-but hey it adds character! It's nice and stocked!  It will bud white flowers for a few days and home the neighborhood birds.  I'm proud of my beauty.  Like I said best looking tree on the block.

Coming home from work today I did what I do everyday-admired the vast allure that graced my yard.  I couldn't help but feel lucky and a little bit of pride crept in and then all of sudden as I parked in the driveway there in the rock garden (yes, the rock garden because I have no green thumb-which is why I'm proud of the tree) are weeds.  UGH!!!! Weeds peeking through-showing their ugly little faces.  Giving my rock garden, which normally has a uniformed look, a patchy appearance.  I'm sure for all of you who are avid gardeners (or OCD in nature) would know my annoyed feeling about these intruders.

As I sat down contemplating how I would get rid of these invaders I couldn't help but feel a tug at my heart.  I saw myself one way-like the big beautiful tree, but definitely had many faults that lay hidden-like the weeds.  I want so many times for people to only see the tree inside of me and pull at the weeds, however they keep returning.  I guess that could be because I'm not fully trying to restore myself in those areas.  Instead I'm covering them up with more rocks.  All the rocks in the world will not get hide my weeds as they will still find their way to the surface.

Praying, I began to realize that I am not the gardener.  I cannot remove these weeds on my own nor should I boast about the tree as it is not of my own making.  It is all His.  This life that I've been blessed with and live day in and day out belongs to Him.  I am to live it in humility every day. This life is a rock garden-with bumps and rugged paths.  Each of our lives are full of weeds and we will one day reach the perfect Tree. Until then I'll live my life humbled by His undeserving grace-asking Him to fully restore each and every ugly weed.

WHY

It's human nature to question.  We are inquisitive souls and we should be-it's how we learn.  Our minds were meant to develop this way.  As parents, we encourage our children to ask questions (then there are times we want them to just stop).

So, do you think our Lord thinks any different when we ask Him questions? I'm sure the number one question that comes to mind is in the form of three letters-

      W-H-Y

There usually isn't a complete sentence that has to come after because He already knows the rest before it hits your heart.  Most of the time the inquiry comes with a bundle of affection: passion, regret, confusion, heartbreak, etc.  Feelings that you seem to want Him to just take away, however you know that there's a lesson that you must learn-the only thing-you don't feel like instruction.  You don't want to be coached on this one-you've seen it enough through the eyes of others.

You begin to plead, cry and eventually every ounce of your soul is wailing.  Before long you've run out of tears and the stamina that kept you on your feet is no longer.  It's just you, the Lord and the three letters that barely slip off your lips.  You can't imagine His plan-you can't begin to understand what good would come from this quest.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

His warmth begins to take hold in the middle of your heart break.  Life begins to breath into your being and your "Why's" lead into worship.  He has not forsaken you and you are reminded of His love for you.  A love that is  both unconditional and everlasting.  You know the "Why's" are not over, they will creep back into your life, but every war is won with Him leading your battle.  He picks you up and lifts you right where you stand. You are not standing on your own strength, but on His alone.

You've made it through today and tomorrow...well, tomorrow you will leave to for Him to worry about.  One why at a time.

So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today-Matthew 6:34

Bold

I often wonder if I could ask God -would He consider me bold?  Would He look down on me and consider all that I do in His Name honorable and up to His standards?  It's a tough question-one that I'm not sure I want to know the answer.  I guess it's because deep down inside I may know the response.

I know when I sit alone with Him I'm bold in my faith, I'm fearless in my beliefs, daring in my vision, and courageous in prayer.  Do I carry that when I walk out the door?  I start the day wanting- the full desire to lead my life and go from dawn to dark this way, but then the madness creeps in and things can begin to change.  I begin to see my faith waver, fear sets in, my vision is blurred by the chaos of this crazy world.

I take a grip to the hope that is Him and prayer keeps me afloat.  It's the line of communication that gives me  the spiritual energy I need to get through another day. I cannot be the person He calls me to be without His guidance, therefore I cannot be bold on my own.

I live my life as close to His will as humanly possible-which means I fall short every day.  He gets that-He expects me to fall short.  I strongly believe that it's what I do after my convictions and with what He's taught me that's important. So, I will make mistakes, I will pray for forgiveness.  I will fall, but I will rise with His strength.  I will love-with the heart of Jesus.  I will be bold-with human knees shaking but with the Hands of God holding me.  



For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

HIs Words, His Timing, His Path!

Life's been pretty slow this week.  Taking some time off has really had some advantages.  I mean not only is my house clean, but I've really had some quiet, quiet time with God.  

It's amazing what you hear in the silence of your home when it's just you and Him.  I get up early in the morning before everyone else and spend time with Him, but it's not the same.  Some how the silence is SILENT!  I guess it's because I know that the chance of a teenager slamming the restroom door isn't going to happen.  

He's given me so much to think about in the last three days.  Where I've been and where I'm going.  I thought about how I will use what I've learn in the next chapter.  He's also showing me that my past is still there and that He still wants me to finish His work there. Don't get me wrong-I love the idea.  My past-I love that portion of my past.  I love the people in it.  So, I love hearing from them and hearing Him whisper into my heart what He wants me to say.  After all the words are His-not my own.

I'm currently reading Ezekiel and I've learn that Ezekiel visions were extraordinary-to say the least. His eyes were glaring at living beings with wings and with rims (yes rims!) that had eyes all round them.  He was called to be a messenger for God.  God would provide the strength Ezekiel would need to approach the people of Israel.  

"But look, I have made you as obstinate and hard-hearted as they are.  I have made your forehead as hard as the hardest rock!  So don't be afraid of them or fear their angry looks, even though they are rebels." Ezekiel 3:8-9  

I think that statement speaks to both my past and my future. ( that explains a lot about why I'm so stubborn!) But, I don't have to worry because if I choose to walk His walk and His path-then I'm not alone.

My words are not my own and I must not make them about me.  

"Then He added, 'Son of man, let all my words sink deep into your own heart first.  Listen to them carefully for yourself.  Then go to your people in exile and say to them. " This is what the Sovereign Lord says!"  Do this whether they listen to you or not."  Ezekiel 3:10-11

He's so amazing! I know that His timing is always perfect because if anything it just needed to be the words-not my presence-just His Words!!!  My physical existence didn't and doesn't need to be there-only through the words.  

I'm not sure what the plans are for those left in my past and I don't begin to speculate.  What I do know is that He's already there.  He already has the table prepared and I don't have to worry.  But, every morning as I sit with Him-I feel the power of His love surround me and in the silence I hear Him louder than ever.  

'Son of man, eat what I am giving you-eat this scroll!  Then go and give it's message to the people of Israel."  Ezekiel 3:1 

It's Not Goodbye!

Life has taken me for another spin in the last weeks.  It's amazing how our Savior can turn our lives in a completely different direction than the path you were just strolling.  I've spent countless hours trying to figure out how all this came into play and to be perfectly honest-I'm still at a loss.  My head is still in a daze from the unbelievable quest that my feet have yet to calm down and adjusted.

For those who don't know my story-at 25 years of age I decided to go back to school.  TSTC was the school of choice and Dental Assisting was the career I would decide to venture. When I decided to take accept my current job at 26 years old-my only concern and worry-I just wanted a job.  I found that job and since then have been living it up for 13 and half years.  I have more than friends-I have sisters. They are my extended family and they too can't be replaced.  Together, we have watched our children grow, we have seen each other through some tough battles, laughed our way through tears. I've watched others leave and they are still my sisters.  I, myself, have grown in that office and am a better woman because of it.  Funny how all that can happen in one small work area.  Day in and day out-hours turns into weeks and weeks turn into years.  Before you realize you're shedding tears as you begin to realize that this too is another phase in your life.  I've had so many chapters close in my life the last couple of months that I'm beginning to see that God has a whole other book written.  I'm still shedding tears from my oldest leaving home for college-it's been two years!  When will I get to breathe it all in?  I don't know if I really want to know the answer to that question.  Because if I do then it would mean that the blessings would have slowed down and I would have stopped appreciating all God's given me and my family.  I'm not ready to slow down and I'm definitely not ready to stop praising Him.

But, this isn't the story about my career choice rather about the moment in life to answer a call.  He's called me out to trust.  It wasn't an easy choice to leave behind the only place I've called home during my working hours.  He knew how disheartened I felt at His repeated urging to make the move.  The sleeplessness nights that I prayed for Him to give me peace. I won't deny that I asked why although I knew the answers.

Why was it so hard?

My sisters...to know that there would be no more days with them still brings tears to my eyes.

As my family and I prayed for Him to show us the way-I began to see more and more of His presence. When I surrendered to His call-I felt a breath-taking peace surround me.  I knew in that moment that He would lead me and that He would take care of them just as He had done in the past-just as He has done for each of my sisters that have come to our little family and left to new adventures.

This isn't a farewell-I'll see you soon!

 It was fun and I had a blast!



***All other photos-Pre Facebook-in other words-too old!!!!

Her Journey

This weekend our niece made some pretty big decisions in her life. She declared her love for our Savior and her deep thirst for knowing the life He desires for her to live.  I would say that was colossal for a 17 year old girl who only five months ago-was losing her mind if she did not have control over every aspect of her life.

Paula-in a dress her mother & I wore when were babies.

Long story short-she recently returned home after attempting to reconnect with her biological father. God obviously had other plans for our sweet girl and she returned home after two years.  There was such a transition in those two years and upon her return she had become unfamiliar with our growing faith.  Our family had taken a deeper dive into His Word and she felt left behind.  In these last five months she has had to adjust to school, new friends, new curriculum, new house rules, our family and a new faith.  Not easy for an adult much less a teenager trying to figure her way through this life.

Our Lord has had the road paved out for her long before we knew this sweet blessing. She truly surrendered herself to Him upon learning from our youngest son his testimony and how he had given his life to Him.  She began to feel the yearning for a life with and for Christ and realized that it far outweighed one without Him. She understands that her story is just beginning and that it will not come with out thumps in the road.  She is ready for the strike because she understands following Him will come with a price, but not higher than the price He already paid for her.

Amazing! Did I mention that she was ONLY 17 years old.

You can imagine how my heart leaped with joy as she spoke these words. God's words. Her brave spirit sent waves of joy splashing through my heart. Envision what great wonders He has in store for His young servant.

I was truly inspired by the intensity, zeal and warmth our spirited niece voiced that unforgettable night.  The smile and purpose on her face gave me strength to face my own insecurities.  I again felt the fire intensify in my soul and there stood the purpose.

The most beautiful illustration of His love you will see-is when you witness your love one transform and saved before your very eyes.

James 1:22
But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.

What Will You Give Up?

During our Midweek class we were told to ask the Lord-
   
        "What do You want me to give away and what do You want me to sell?"

The impact of the inquiry has my heart pumping more blood than my brain can handle to be honest. Yesterday's lesson of course stems from Mark 10:17-29, "The Rich Man" and his inability to sell everything he had and follow Christ. Listening to the discussion around the room there were many views on what this may have looked like "to sell everything".

What does that look like for you?

I've asked the question and have to admit that the beginning of the answer is a bit uneasy. But, then again I didn't expect it to be a piece of cake.  I've made it accommodating for myself for so long that now that I must put aside comfort-not so pretty.  Not an effortless task for a military brat. It's simple to talk the talk.
Finding the the words have always been elementary.  I've never had a hard time with words.  I could always express myself in writing and feel free.  It was living beyond those words that I found it to be the most difficult.

Apparently, not much has changed-as I read the challenge above.  It reads and sounds poetic, but it's living it that poses the dare and to someone like myself-the threat.  I've searched Him as though He was playing a game of hide and seek with me-looking for what He wants me to do with the next step.  As the realization becomes clear I become less afraid. Not because the solution has become easier, but become His promise is the light that guides me.

I know this odyssey will not be without crashing waves, but is He not the same God that calms those waves?  "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31.  I cannot think of any one else that I would rather have with me during my trials than the Lord of Lords, King of Kings.  What about you?

So, if I fancy this same King to be with me-then -what should I give up or sell for Him?


What will you give up?