Their Words or His?

Words!

It's amazing the effect they can have on a person.  You've heard the old saying,

              "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me." 

Oh, how we wish that we could really live by that decree. Each of us however, has experienced one time or another a time when words have done more than hurt us. They have defined who we are, who we become and how we live our lives.  We allow them to creep into our hearts and seep into our souls-only to dwell into every heartbeat. Words soon become the definition and outline of our appearance.

Dismal truth-I was once described as someone that appeared to "walk into a dungeon".  Wow!  Not exactly how a woman of God wants to be seen. But, I had allowed rigid words to invade my soul and instead of fight them off-they idled there with  no place to go.  I granted them to linger each day and stab at my heart until they had ripped me apart.  Please don't get me wrong-I prayed, I prayed until tears streamed down like a river.  The problem was that although I prayed- I never let go of the "words" that were said -I always went back to them and held on to them.

I recently found myself in the same situation.  Words were said that seem a little hurtful-my intentions were not in any way to batter any one.  However, sometimes interpretations are not always what they seem.  So, I have a choice-I can allow the "words" to cripple me or I can live by the Words that matter.  Sometimes...let's face it...most of the time...it's the hardest thing to do-to live His way, but His way has promise.  His way will give me peace and lead me to eternal life.  His way brings me joy and provides me with a smile no matter my circumstances.

This can only go one way-HIS WAY!!!!

The Mask

Ever had a time in your month, week or day when before your eyes is the worse version of yourself?  You try to shield the ugliness of your thoughts and bury it beneath the camouflage smile. The mask may hold true to those on the outside, but you soon find yourself feeling defeated by your own convictions. Fatigue soon begins to take control of your every movement.  Your thoughts soon become blurred.  This mask you haul soon becomes more than just a small cover-up.  It becomes a phony veneer-a false representation of who you once were in this life.

Who are you?

In my life there have been times what I considered a small veil-it has become my choke hold.  What I thought would spare others from hurt and pain in turn has caused more suffering than intended.  It has left me feeling defeated and broken.  When I should be turning the pages of my Bible-it has left me staring endlessly into space wondering where I went wrong.  When I should be in prayer-lifting my hands to the One True God that can save me-it has left me beating myself up.

All because I have knowingly implanted a veil to hide the pain.  A mask to stooge others into believing that I have it together or that I'm not easily plagued by matters.  Why do I insist on treating myself this way?  I don't have it all together!!

He did not create me to wear a mask that I intentionally place before any one person.  He designed me just as I am.   He also died to break the veil-not for me or you to wear one each day.

These are hard reminders-I know-I walk this same road today...this very moment.  But, my Savior has saved me many times before and I'm sure He will save me again and again.

Friends, if today you find yourself playing the hero or wearing a mask that you're tired of holding-know that you're not alone.  Know that you are free to let go of the cape, the mask, the veil, the drama, the image...whatever it is you're holding on to today.  He loves you----just you!!!!

My Weeds

Living in a new subdivision has it's disadvantages.  One is that we don't have a lot of trees.  I've mentioned this before in one of my earlier blogs...about missing the falling of leaves.  Well, a new season is upon us and we are a bloomin'.

As a friend left my home the other day I mentioned to her how I thought I had the best looking tree on the block.  It leans a little to the side-but hey it adds character! It's nice and stocked!  It will bud white flowers for a few days and home the neighborhood birds.  I'm proud of my beauty.  Like I said best looking tree on the block.

Coming home from work today I did what I do everyday-admired the vast allure that graced my yard.  I couldn't help but feel lucky and a little bit of pride crept in and then all of sudden as I parked in the driveway there in the rock garden (yes, the rock garden because I have no green thumb-which is why I'm proud of the tree) are weeds.  UGH!!!! Weeds peeking through-showing their ugly little faces.  Giving my rock garden, which normally has a uniformed look, a patchy appearance.  I'm sure for all of you who are avid gardeners (or OCD in nature) would know my annoyed feeling about these intruders.

As I sat down contemplating how I would get rid of these invaders I couldn't help but feel a tug at my heart.  I saw myself one way-like the big beautiful tree, but definitely had many faults that lay hidden-like the weeds.  I want so many times for people to only see the tree inside of me and pull at the weeds, however they keep returning.  I guess that could be because I'm not fully trying to restore myself in those areas.  Instead I'm covering them up with more rocks.  All the rocks in the world will not get hide my weeds as they will still find their way to the surface.

Praying, I began to realize that I am not the gardener.  I cannot remove these weeds on my own nor should I boast about the tree as it is not of my own making.  It is all His.  This life that I've been blessed with and live day in and day out belongs to Him.  I am to live it in humility every day. This life is a rock garden-with bumps and rugged paths.  Each of our lives are full of weeds and we will one day reach the perfect Tree. Until then I'll live my life humbled by His undeserving grace-asking Him to fully restore each and every ugly weed.

WHY

It's human nature to question.  We are inquisitive souls and we should be-it's how we learn.  Our minds were meant to develop this way.  As parents, we encourage our children to ask questions (then there are times we want them to just stop).

So, do you think our Lord thinks any different when we ask Him questions? I'm sure the number one question that comes to mind is in the form of three letters-

      W-H-Y

There usually isn't a complete sentence that has to come after because He already knows the rest before it hits your heart.  Most of the time the inquiry comes with a bundle of affection: passion, regret, confusion, heartbreak, etc.  Feelings that you seem to want Him to just take away, however you know that there's a lesson that you must learn-the only thing-you don't feel like instruction.  You don't want to be coached on this one-you've seen it enough through the eyes of others.

You begin to plead, cry and eventually every ounce of your soul is wailing.  Before long you've run out of tears and the stamina that kept you on your feet is no longer.  It's just you, the Lord and the three letters that barely slip off your lips.  You can't imagine His plan-you can't begin to understand what good would come from this quest.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

His warmth begins to take hold in the middle of your heart break.  Life begins to breath into your being and your "Why's" lead into worship.  He has not forsaken you and you are reminded of His love for you.  A love that is  both unconditional and everlasting.  You know the "Why's" are not over, they will creep back into your life, but every war is won with Him leading your battle.  He picks you up and lifts you right where you stand. You are not standing on your own strength, but on His alone.

You've made it through today and tomorrow...well, tomorrow you will leave to for Him to worry about.  One why at a time.

So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today-Matthew 6:34

Bold

I often wonder if I could ask God -would He consider me bold?  Would He look down on me and consider all that I do in His Name honorable and up to His standards?  It's a tough question-one that I'm not sure I want to know the answer.  I guess it's because deep down inside I may know the response.

I know when I sit alone with Him I'm bold in my faith, I'm fearless in my beliefs, daring in my vision, and courageous in prayer.  Do I carry that when I walk out the door?  I start the day wanting- the full desire to lead my life and go from dawn to dark this way, but then the madness creeps in and things can begin to change.  I begin to see my faith waver, fear sets in, my vision is blurred by the chaos of this crazy world.

I take a grip to the hope that is Him and prayer keeps me afloat.  It's the line of communication that gives me  the spiritual energy I need to get through another day. I cannot be the person He calls me to be without His guidance, therefore I cannot be bold on my own.

I live my life as close to His will as humanly possible-which means I fall short every day.  He gets that-He expects me to fall short.  I strongly believe that it's what I do after my convictions and with what He's taught me that's important. So, I will make mistakes, I will pray for forgiveness.  I will fall, but I will rise with His strength.  I will love-with the heart of Jesus.  I will be bold-with human knees shaking but with the Hands of God holding me.  



For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

HIs Words, His Timing, His Path!

Life's been pretty slow this week.  Taking some time off has really had some advantages.  I mean not only is my house clean, but I've really had some quiet, quiet time with God.  

It's amazing what you hear in the silence of your home when it's just you and Him.  I get up early in the morning before everyone else and spend time with Him, but it's not the same.  Some how the silence is SILENT!  I guess it's because I know that the chance of a teenager slamming the restroom door isn't going to happen.  

He's given me so much to think about in the last three days.  Where I've been and where I'm going.  I thought about how I will use what I've learn in the next chapter.  He's also showing me that my past is still there and that He still wants me to finish His work there. Don't get me wrong-I love the idea.  My past-I love that portion of my past.  I love the people in it.  So, I love hearing from them and hearing Him whisper into my heart what He wants me to say.  After all the words are His-not my own.

I'm currently reading Ezekiel and I've learn that Ezekiel visions were extraordinary-to say the least. His eyes were glaring at living beings with wings and with rims (yes rims!) that had eyes all round them.  He was called to be a messenger for God.  God would provide the strength Ezekiel would need to approach the people of Israel.  

"But look, I have made you as obstinate and hard-hearted as they are.  I have made your forehead as hard as the hardest rock!  So don't be afraid of them or fear their angry looks, even though they are rebels." Ezekiel 3:8-9  

I think that statement speaks to both my past and my future. ( that explains a lot about why I'm so stubborn!) But, I don't have to worry because if I choose to walk His walk and His path-then I'm not alone.

My words are not my own and I must not make them about me.  

"Then He added, 'Son of man, let all my words sink deep into your own heart first.  Listen to them carefully for yourself.  Then go to your people in exile and say to them. " This is what the Sovereign Lord says!"  Do this whether they listen to you or not."  Ezekiel 3:10-11

He's so amazing! I know that His timing is always perfect because if anything it just needed to be the words-not my presence-just His Words!!!  My physical existence didn't and doesn't need to be there-only through the words.  

I'm not sure what the plans are for those left in my past and I don't begin to speculate.  What I do know is that He's already there.  He already has the table prepared and I don't have to worry.  But, every morning as I sit with Him-I feel the power of His love surround me and in the silence I hear Him louder than ever.  

'Son of man, eat what I am giving you-eat this scroll!  Then go and give it's message to the people of Israel."  Ezekiel 3:1 

It's Not Goodbye!

Life has taken me for another spin in the last weeks.  It's amazing how our Savior can turn our lives in a completely different direction than the path you were just strolling.  I've spent countless hours trying to figure out how all this came into play and to be perfectly honest-I'm still at a loss.  My head is still in a daze from the unbelievable quest that my feet have yet to calm down and adjusted.

For those who don't know my story-at 25 years of age I decided to go back to school.  TSTC was the school of choice and Dental Assisting was the career I would decide to venture. When I decided to take accept my current job at 26 years old-my only concern and worry-I just wanted a job.  I found that job and since then have been living it up for 13 and half years.  I have more than friends-I have sisters. They are my extended family and they too can't be replaced.  Together, we have watched our children grow, we have seen each other through some tough battles, laughed our way through tears. I've watched others leave and they are still my sisters.  I, myself, have grown in that office and am a better woman because of it.  Funny how all that can happen in one small work area.  Day in and day out-hours turns into weeks and weeks turn into years.  Before you realize you're shedding tears as you begin to realize that this too is another phase in your life.  I've had so many chapters close in my life the last couple of months that I'm beginning to see that God has a whole other book written.  I'm still shedding tears from my oldest leaving home for college-it's been two years!  When will I get to breathe it all in?  I don't know if I really want to know the answer to that question.  Because if I do then it would mean that the blessings would have slowed down and I would have stopped appreciating all God's given me and my family.  I'm not ready to slow down and I'm definitely not ready to stop praising Him.

But, this isn't the story about my career choice rather about the moment in life to answer a call.  He's called me out to trust.  It wasn't an easy choice to leave behind the only place I've called home during my working hours.  He knew how disheartened I felt at His repeated urging to make the move.  The sleeplessness nights that I prayed for Him to give me peace. I won't deny that I asked why although I knew the answers.

Why was it so hard?

My sisters...to know that there would be no more days with them still brings tears to my eyes.

As my family and I prayed for Him to show us the way-I began to see more and more of His presence. When I surrendered to His call-I felt a breath-taking peace surround me.  I knew in that moment that He would lead me and that He would take care of them just as He had done in the past-just as He has done for each of my sisters that have come to our little family and left to new adventures.

This isn't a farewell-I'll see you soon!

 It was fun and I had a blast!



***All other photos-Pre Facebook-in other words-too old!!!!