Her Journey

This weekend our niece made some pretty big decisions in her life. She declared her love for our Savior and her deep thirst for knowing the life He desires for her to live.  I would say that was colossal for a 17 year old girl who only five months ago-was losing her mind if she did not have control over every aspect of her life.

Paula-in a dress her mother & I wore when were babies.

Long story short-she recently returned home after attempting to reconnect with her biological father. God obviously had other plans for our sweet girl and she returned home after two years.  There was such a transition in those two years and upon her return she had become unfamiliar with our growing faith.  Our family had taken a deeper dive into His Word and she felt left behind.  In these last five months she has had to adjust to school, new friends, new curriculum, new house rules, our family and a new faith.  Not easy for an adult much less a teenager trying to figure her way through this life.

Our Lord has had the road paved out for her long before we knew this sweet blessing. She truly surrendered herself to Him upon learning from our youngest son his testimony and how he had given his life to Him.  She began to feel the yearning for a life with and for Christ and realized that it far outweighed one without Him. She understands that her story is just beginning and that it will not come with out thumps in the road.  She is ready for the strike because she understands following Him will come with a price, but not higher than the price He already paid for her.

Amazing! Did I mention that she was ONLY 17 years old.

You can imagine how my heart leaped with joy as she spoke these words. God's words. Her brave spirit sent waves of joy splashing through my heart. Envision what great wonders He has in store for His young servant.

I was truly inspired by the intensity, zeal and warmth our spirited niece voiced that unforgettable night.  The smile and purpose on her face gave me strength to face my own insecurities.  I again felt the fire intensify in my soul and there stood the purpose.

The most beautiful illustration of His love you will see-is when you witness your love one transform and saved before your very eyes.

James 1:22
But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.

What Will You Give Up?

During our Midweek class we were told to ask the Lord-
   
        "What do You want me to give away and what do You want me to sell?"

The impact of the inquiry has my heart pumping more blood than my brain can handle to be honest. Yesterday's lesson of course stems from Mark 10:17-29, "The Rich Man" and his inability to sell everything he had and follow Christ. Listening to the discussion around the room there were many views on what this may have looked like "to sell everything".

What does that look like for you?

I've asked the question and have to admit that the beginning of the answer is a bit uneasy. But, then again I didn't expect it to be a piece of cake.  I've made it accommodating for myself for so long that now that I must put aside comfort-not so pretty.  Not an effortless task for a military brat. It's simple to talk the talk.
Finding the the words have always been elementary.  I've never had a hard time with words.  I could always express myself in writing and feel free.  It was living beyond those words that I found it to be the most difficult.

Apparently, not much has changed-as I read the challenge above.  It reads and sounds poetic, but it's living it that poses the dare and to someone like myself-the threat.  I've searched Him as though He was playing a game of hide and seek with me-looking for what He wants me to do with the next step.  As the realization becomes clear I become less afraid. Not because the solution has become easier, but become His promise is the light that guides me.

I know this odyssey will not be without crashing waves, but is He not the same God that calms those waves?  "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31.  I cannot think of any one else that I would rather have with me during my trials than the Lord of Lords, King of Kings.  What about you?

So, if I fancy this same King to be with me-then -what should I give up or sell for Him?


What will you give up?

The Water is Closing In

My friends and family know that there are two things in this world that I can truly say strike me with fear. The first is water. I am not comfortable with any body of water larger than my tub.
I love to see the waves of God's beautiful creation.  The sun as it glistens off the surface is dazzling. It is mesmerizing how it can be both peaceful and aggressive.

I'm iced in terror at the banks of the waters. It's the unknown of what I cannot see below the darkness that keeps me petrified.  The past screams as I recall my father attempting to teach me to become one with the water.  She and I never learned to dance together.  I like to lead and well she wanted to control me...I wasn't having it.

My second fear-to be closed in-and not necessarily in just tight spaces.  I can feel closed in when the cuffs of my lab coat are tight. It feels as though my breath is not allowed to flow freely.  Some people like to be cuddled in their blankets-there's a sensation that crawls through my body like the blankets are literally trying to strangle me. It's funny-I don't feel claustrophobic when it comes to hugs.  I enjoy receiving a hug from a loved one.  I love when my husband embraces me-when my children lounge next to me on the couch. I don't know if it's the warmth and affection that I feel in response that cancels out the "closed in" part.

True story-I hate the grocery store.  It's a mixture of feeling like I'm in the water and closed in.  Does that make sense?  I walk through the doors and I'm drowning the moment I walk in and my feet hit the concrete.  I get no love from the produce and the pork chops don't care that I'm there so I feel closed in.  I wonder if I'll get some sympathy from my hubby if I explained it to him that way?  I'll let you know what he says.

Anyway, back to the point of letting you know about my fears.  I've had one of those couple of days where I don't know where I'm heading.  I know that I'll need to make some decisions and I feel as though I'm both in water and closed in.  I have no idea what I'm facing and looking into the water -it is both dark and aggressive.  My feet will not budge but the walls are closing in and it's getting harder to take a breath.

I've prayed and prayed- however His voice is still.  Or is it?  How do I know when and if it's really His Voice telling me to jump in? I close my eyes as I feel every gut wrenching fear turn to faith. My breath becomes erratic and suddenly my toes begin to wiggle...

Our trip to West Virginia

Just Keep Praying

Ever been too exhausted to pray or just given up on a prayer?
I know some of you may have read that question and the first thing you did was either said no or wanted to say no.  Who really wants to admit that you can become worn from praying?  I know that I don't want to admit it out loud yet alone type it. It does bring a damper to my soul to confess this to you.  When my prayers become what I feel are cripple I tell Him-" I just don't know what to say anymore." There are times I just don't bother telling Him-I just find that I have ceased the request.  I've tucked it underneath all my other requests trying to kick it to the bottom. Okay, maybe not kick it, stomp it! Just like a child trying to hide a stain knowing that He can see it and that giving up isn't what He wants me to do.

Today, I woke up ready with my heart's requests when before me stood January 15th. It's devotion clearly stating that I am to continue to pray, pray, pray-because "something is always happening."  "Prayer invites and ignites" and that they are not lost nor meaningless.

Ok...I see you Father. But, no He wasn't done with His sweet reminders. John 4:24 would pierce my very heart- piping out that true worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.

So, although I may have thought I would be done I was convicted-that if I chose to walk away from what I knew I was putting under the rug....well...I don't think I have to finish up the thought for you. (true worshiper? Ouch)

I began to open the dark crevices of my heart and prayed that one forgotten request.  The request that I felt had no hope. Yep, like I have the right to make that call. I prayed it.  I then prayed for His forgiveness.

I'd like to say that I followed through my day and my prayer was answered. Funny how it all works-that prayer was needed today. Deeply needed.  Oh Satan has decided to play his game with me with an attempt on the strings of my heart.  This is not a fairytale and we do not live in a world that always ends in "Happy Ever After."

We do however, have the choice to live in despair or in hope. In that hope the enemy can only blow and cause the winds to stir during this storm.  When the Lord called me to pull out that request and pray for it (even when I didn't want to) something happened.  He supplied the strength, the shelter-the umbrella.

Not having the words for that request is far better than giving up.  I don't believe He expects you to be perfect with your words-after all He was the only One who walked on water.

Isaiah 62:1
Because I love Zion, I will not keep still. Because my heart yearns for Jerusalem, I cannot remain silent. I will not stop praying for her until her righteousness shines like the dawn, and her salvation blazes like a burning torch.

Labels

In conversation with a good friend in the last couple of days we have often spoke of how we were "labeled". She is unhappy with how she has been stamped.  I can understand the distaste it leaves her-knowing how someone else has taken the liberty and unkindly give their own signature.

The conversation stuck with me for several days and has seem to actually haunt both of our thoughts. Her attention-for obvious reasons- I mean it's her "rep" after all.  But, it has bothered me for other reasons. 

Why?

Why do we allow ourselves to be marked with labels?  I'm sure when we were created His intentions were not for us to be defined of this world.  Sure, we want people to see us as honest, loving, dependable.  But, does that label us to just those characteristics?  

I once heard a friend speak at a retreat about labels. What stands out is she said that a lot of those labels are put there by none other than...you guessed it....US!!! ME!!!! YOU!!! Yea...you...don't look back or look at your buddy sitting next to you. 

We put the pressure on ourselves.  We desire that perfect title-the invisible banner across our chest that lets everyone know-"Hey, I'm a good person!"  The salutation before our name that signifies importance and identity.  You may say that-'No, that's not me.'-but to a point we all have a little bit of that person in us -otherwise it wouldn't matter what or how others pictured us.

Lord knows I've placed so many labels on myself that if I had to literally pull them off-there would be no need to shave-enough said.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't want to have an identity.  I desire existence, but what I should crave is that it be in His Name.  When someone looks at me-I pray that it is His reflection and Light that attracts them. 

The only "Label" I should be passionate to wear should read:

image by iSaved

Not Alone

We hit another milestone this past week.  Our youngest son received his drivers license.  He turned sweet sixteen in October, (you can still say that for a boy, right?) but had not really pushed for it and well if he wasn't I wouldn't either.  The day would have to come and it did.

Sitting in church the day before his test -Joe and I took him to the alter and again gave him to our Savior.
We would have faith that not only would He carry him through his test, but that our Savior would carry him through the rest of Julian's driving days.

Does that make it easier to let him go?  I would be a hypocrite and liar-if I stood here before you and said yes.  It doesn't mean that my teeth don't clinch and my knuckles don't turn a lighter shade of white at the thought of him out there in a sea of raging vehicles.  My heart turns a flip with the thought of my baby behind the wheel.  Hard to let go.

Does it ever get it easy?  I doubt it-I know it doesn't-I see it in the face of my mother who still tells me that taking a shower and going out will cause me to fall ill.  When she gets on to me for not buttoning up all the way.  Do I listen? Only when I know I'm going to see her...sorry Mom!

Letting go will never be easy, but knowing that our Savior is with our children makes it bearable.  My heart is comforted in the details that in the passenger seat is a Friend that will guide him and never leave him.  Our children are never alone in this world.  As they take long trips back home to college-as they face the unknown-they are not alone.  Isn't that the most beautiful and peaceful part of living?  That throughout it all we are never alone in all the chaos.  Have you ever just sat at your kitchen table or at the red light-looked over and felt His presence.  There's this unexplainable and overwhelming sensation that radiates through your very being-it's electrifying and yet harmonious.  You feel Him staring back at you and His smile is illuminating. The description is beyond words. He reminds you to not worry, He's got this and they're not alone.

I'm comforted and at peace because the same Hand holding them is holding me.

Taking It for Granted

I've been ill the past couple of days.  It's how I spent my holiday vacation actually.  I wanted so much more for my time off-kids home from college, the others out of school until after the New Year.  My mind had so much planned for us.  I was looking forward to some quality time-maybe catch a movie or two. Instead-I spent that quality time with my pillow.  Believe me the pillow is not as affectionate.

Sitting in bed I couldn't help but recall all the moments I wanted a few more minutes in bed.  How many of you make that wish upon a star?

"If only I could get in some more time in bed."
"I just want to lay here in bed and do absolutely NOTHING."

I admit-I've said those two phrases on more than one occasion.  After this past week, I don't plan on them slipping from my lips.(I'm human so they may slip...)  As I mediated (as there was nothing else to do) I started to realize how I take my health for granted.

I forget to say "Lord, thank you that I can breath through my nose," or "Father, I'm so grateful that I'm not choking on every breath that I take in."

If you haven't been sick lately then those two prayers may sound frivolous.  It's also amazing that I don't think about those types of thankful prayers until I've fallen ill.  Taking it for granted-that's me-I hate to accept.

As I type this out-I want this to be my New Year's Resolution...(or the in the words of the cute little kid on the AT&T commercial-My New Year's Revolution).  I want to bar myself from taking the small things for granted.  I want to celebrate every breath that I take in and to honor my health with thanks!  I will also rejoice in my illnesses!  Why?  Because  I grasp the concept that in my weakness it is through Him that I become strong.

Thank You, Lord!

So, as many of us have declared our resolutions-remember that even when you fail-He loves you.  When you fall ill-He loves you.  As we start to comprehend that maybe that resolution was far out of reach-He love you.

Take hold of the microscopic-the things that slip you're mind-the breath you just inhaled and even the cough that just nearly knocked you out of your socks. Start your revolution!

Countdown

We had a beautiful Christmas.  Family and friends gathered, but what I love the most is Christmas Eve service. I always get a little teary eyed. Watching all the angels dance their way down the aisle. The children that play Mary, Joseph, the wise men and shepherds. I believe it's the innocence displayed. 

After a spectacular candle light service we were greeted by the magnificence of Christmas morning. I always enjoy watching our boys open their gifts and this year we had the pleasure of having our 6 yr old nephew. His eyes were amazed at how Santa took delight in the cookies he made the night before. The smile that stretched across his face as he read the letter left behind by SC himself.  Priceless!

Pure enjoyment!

My oldest son presented his gift and I couldn't help but feel that it was so appropriate for the moment.  An old table clock...it is gorgeous for so many reasons.  Gazing at the stopped hands that no longer moved with time-my heart began to wish that for a moment -I also wanted time to come to a stand still.

Long are the days of the anxious anticipation for the big, jolly man's arrival.  No longer is there the decision making...should we leave Kool-aid or Capri Sun?  (I know, I know)  There's still the early morning rise and I'll hold on to that for as long as time will allow. So, having Erick here for Christmas morning was a sweet reminder of those long ago expressions. 

The countdown to a New Year begins and another Christmas has come and gone.  My heart takes in the conversations, the laughter and even the silence.  

I asked Jonathan if he took pictures of a recent trip he and Emily experienced.  His response, "Only two, but I remember."

My favorite gift!

I couldn't say it better myself.  Those are the best snap shots of life-those you remember and carry forever in your heart.  They will never fade and can never be destroyed.

Have you taken any snapshots?