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I've seen my life go through a change in the last year.  I've changed jobs, made new friends.  I've decided to make some financial decisions that took me to some of the deepest parts of the water. With all the revisions in my life you would think I would have a new hair color already to go along with it.

But, I don't think it hit me until I really took the time this afternoon to look through my emails.  See with my new job-I don't have the time to look through my emails as I did before.  Take that as you will about my prior job, but all I'll say is that it's non-stop from clock in to clock out.  I love it and I wouldn't change it for the world.  When I get home though-I don't have a desire to read through some of what pops up through the subject lines so the small trash icon is where they disappear to for the day. My evenings are spent listening to teenagers badger each other with playful antics or just in the presence of their quietness (which is very rare).  

Opening the emails today were like taking a glimpse into a journal of my past.  I began to wonder why I opted into receiving some of them.  Was I really interested in getting emails on some of those products-was my life that vain?  Did I really think that I could lose weight in 5 days without doing ANYTHING!!!!????

You can't believe the relief I felt when I all it took was to hit the "unsubscribe" link at the bottom of each of those emails.  Each day I've been wasting time deleting these emails-gawking at it each day- when all I had to do was take care of it all together and get rid of it once and for all. 

How many times do we do this with a sin we carry with us each and every day of our lives?  We carry it with us each and every day.  We allow it to strain us and bring us down.  Only to allow the weight of it feel like a boulder on our shoulders- as if our Savior didn't already die for us on the cross.  He already carried it for us and yet we are constantly pulling up the same subject line to just look at it and hit the delete button.  

Open it and UNSUBSCRIBE!!! HE'S ALREADY HIT THE DELETE BUTTON FOR YOU!

You Can Love A Rejection

We are sometimes given small surprises in our lives that seem so unreal, so in your face that you don't know whether to laugh or cry. You seem dumbfounded by what is right in front of you that the words cannot form from your lips.

On this particular day as I drove myself from our friendly neighborhood grocery store I found myself wrestling with emotion.  Words were just more than I could handle as they drove a wedge in my throat. You see right before I had been filled with judgement as I watched the young people walk in and out in their red shirts attending the customers.  My eyes filled with envy as the young man put my bread in with my cans!

 "Really", I thought...I too had worked in this same establishment as a young person and wanted to say with a snapping voice-"Do you think the bread should go with that!!!!"

I wanted to do so not because I wanted to give him friendly advise (could you tell) or because he was rude or that I was having a bad day.  You see our youngest has been applying for a job for months-not just at this particular place but other stores.  He's applied and there's been rejection after rejection.  We've encouraged him time after time-asked him to continue to pray.  The conversations had come to "What does God want from me, Mom?"  Our answer-PRAY!!!

Although, I continued to ask him to pray-I had found myself looking over the edge many days thinking 'what's going on here-if they could only see him beyond the application.'

As with all my kids Julian volunteers-gives back-and since he has such a huge heart Caritas was the perfect place. This past week he encountered a gentleman who wanted to roughly know what wrongs he had done to land himself to have to serve at Caritas.  When Julian explained that he was there willingly- everything changed and both he and this gentleman engaged in a much needed conversation.

So back to my car ride back from the grocery store and that wedge.  God placed this heavy conviction on my heart.  He laid on me that I had prayed and prayed that He would use my children to be His Hands and Feet.  I had prayed that when they walk out of our home they would open their hearts to shine for Jesus and show His love and reach out to someone in need.  What we saw as rejection after rejection wasn't that at all but actually putting Julian on hold for the perfect opportunity to do the perfect job -for the Perfect God.  I shared what God showed me that day in the car with my son and told him that what he did that day was richer than any pay check he would ever receive. God's plans are greater and bigger than what we can see before us.

I'll never look at a rejection the same again!!!!!

What's Your Name Brand?

We're studying a new book for our girl's summer group "Get a Life".  Pretty in your face-huh?!  The focus? Well, just what the title reads-how to get a life in this life.  How to find abundant joy with what we have here and now.

My sense so far is the obvious-you can have an abundant life without all the bells and whistles that the world tells you that you HAVE to have to enjoy it.  I mean if there wasn't a way to have it- do you think there would be a six week study?  I don't think so! But, you can't haul this book into every store you  visit every time you visit the mall.  You can't pluck it out of your purse when you're about to pay for that "oh so cute" purse that would look so good with that "had to have" dress you just paid a fortune for.

 I mean -really?!?!  This was so me people!!!!

I was the girl that thought that if I had the right purse and the right clothes from the right store-I would feel better about me.  I would like me a lot better.  It wasn't that my family didn't like me or that I didn't have friends growing up.  As I grew older and got married to my one true love-it wasn't that he didn't love me for who I was or wasn't for that matter.  I didn't like me.  I was under the idea that hiding behind the name brand would give me some type of identity.  Now-please don't get me wrong!  There's nothing wrong with name brands.  I'm not saying that if you shop at the mall that you're not loved by the Creator or that you're trying to be "Hello..daawling...".  But, for me I was filling a void that I placed there.  I was covering up what I didn't like about myself and putting a name on it.  To be perfectly honest-I'm not sure what I didn't like myself.  I've always just been my hardest critic.  As I'm sure we all are at some point or another in our lives. I still have my moments of looking at myself and wishing for a brief moment that I didn't have this or I was like that...or that maybe the mirror I'm looking into was really an illusion.

You see I may not be able to tow this book along, but my God goes everywhere with me.  I dive into His Word and that I carry deep into the depths of my soul.  When I begin to feel the unfavorable emotion arise I remember that my Savior not only liked me enough but loved me enough to die on a Cross for me.  I would say He's the best Name Brand I could wear in my life.