My brain is streaming tunes so deafening I can't make out the words the person talking to me is saying. I find myself asking them to repeat themselves over and over again. Still there is no comprehending. I can't be still-I can't find the volume. Someone has taken the controls and discarded of them.
They say that the eyes are the window to your soul, but they too have been sealed by the roaring. My vision has become blurred (nope glasses aren't the trick). I suddenly begin to trek further into places that feel strangely unfamiliar. I don't think I've traveled this far down the road of despair before-I don't like it here. The feelings are not recognizable and I want to know what I'm doing here. Better yet~ HOW did I get here?
I don't know what the scariest part of the journey is-the awareness or the actuality that I'm not exempt from it.
I awake this morning with a strong mental impression of two nights before. See, our church held it's annual Advent by Candlelight. Each table elegantly displayed-bringing Honor to our Savior in preparation for the season. I always enjoy taking part in the moment-the music and fellowship. I walk away from the evening feeling triumphant-not with myself, but with belonging to Him and in Him. Walking away that night was no different.
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| Just Some of the beautiful tables from Advent by Candlelight 2013 |
Sitting quietly, memory of the soft candle that danced before me materialized. I had taken a picture of it-it was simple and I find beauty in simple. Only He knew that I would need that visualization to call upon along with Psalm 42:4-5,
"Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again—my Savior and my God!"
Our God is marvelous and wonderful.
His whispers yet again give me confirmation. My days here on this earth will sometimes find the road of despondency, but thankfully He will always provide an exit.
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