Looking in The Mirror

We're getting our third kid ready for college.  This was suppose to get easier as we get further down the line, right? I mean we should know the right questions to ask, the right forms to fill out, the right bed sheets we're going to need. I mean the only thing that doesn't get easy is the letting go part. Right?!?!

WRONG!

Our middle niece Paula is in the process of searching out colleges. We've actually had a couple of successful campus visits. As we sat in front of the computer screen to schedule another visit I was hit with an emotional and very doubtful teenager. Every fear and "what if" took over her decision making. I looked into her big brown unsettled eyes and I was looking into a mirror. She had just spilled out every gut wrenching fear I had at 17 years of age. I froze with no words of encouragement-instead all I could tell her was either she wanted this or not.  I knew that I wasn't talking to her, but to myself.

I went to bed that night disappointed in myself-not because I regret my life. I'm happy with where I am-it's obviously the story God chose for me. What lingered over me in the silence was shame-I was ashamed that I had allowed fear to cheat me.  I didn't even try. It's the one thing I ask of each of my kids-just try! The mirror went to bed with me that night and haunted me the next day. 

How AWESOME is our God-He tells us that we don't have to live in the past of our mistakes. I spent time with Him the other morning and He reminded me that I don't have to live in that shame. I don't have to live in the past of my youthful mistakes. I sat in the small corner of my house in the quiet and my heart danced. How could I forget that I serve a forgiving God, a God of second chances (in my case 3rd, 4th 5th and on an on...)? My mistakes make me who I am today and I should not be ashamed of my mirror and you shouldn't either. I think I should dust if off more often and remind myself that I tried something more daring than going to school-PARENTHOOD!!!!

Paula at her first college visit-TCU!

***And Paula-she's giving God the reigns on this one-that's more than I EVER did-that's one brave girl!***


Isaiah 54:4 Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood.